I know so many couples who spent years together just dating. I know couples who had a lot of time to evaluate that the person they were to marry was exactly who God had planned for them.
I married my husband one year, one month, and one day after the first time I laid eyes on him. He did not have all of the requirements on my "Husband list". I did not meet every "good little wife" ideas that he had. He was a bit wilder than I with a slightly different relationship with God than I. I was a good girl who hated to clean, could bake but not cook, and didn't even own a car.
Somehow though, a one hour phone call led to a first date. He was a pilot and I a flight attendant. The thrill of being apart and missing one another was romantic and kept us both interested. Two weeks in we had a conversation something like: "I want to get married and start a family." "I do too!" A few I love you's and a puppy later we were married. We bought our first home and were on our way to babyville.
That was December 2006. Since then we lost one job, lost 2/3rds of a salary at another, moved 8 times, and had 2 children. One premature and needing time in the NICU.
I knew when I married my husband that we might move for work. I thought maybe a couple hours from home, or maybe just once. I had no way of knowing that my successful pilot would be the victim of a terrible economy in a country where the president would instruct business men to eliminate spending by not having planes.
The last 4 years have not always been easy. It wasn't easy to be expecting our first child and lose our job. It wasn't easy to move to Houston, TX 1000 miles away from all we had each ever known. It wasn't easy to lose a good amount of our belongings in a hurricane that hit our home that was miles and miles form the shore. It hasn't been easy for the two of us who started with a lovely savings account to watch it go away and understand what debt means.
All of that being said.. I married my husband willingly. I moved all 8 times with him willingly. I carried our beautiful children willingly. I have willingly albeit also necessarily prayed for job satisfaction and fulfillment for my husband.
I am seeing that doing something because you have no other option does NOT mean you are willing. I did not go back to TX for the second time willingly. I don't even want to think about how I might find willingness were I made to leave SC.
God has provided a most beautiful opportunity to bloom here and being that I am so happy I feel a slight fear of the unknown. A fear of job loss and need to move. Its just the nature of the business.
I'm seeing that God has blessed me greatly in my willingness to be a good wife. To follow where my husband leads. The part I have to come to terms with, to lay down before God, is learning how to willingly trust in his plan for my life. To willingly be at peace in every moment and embrace all of the ebb and flow of my husband's job with a most thankful heart for his ability to provide. To be willing to lead my children no matter where life takes us, and to bloom where we are planted and thank God in this moment instead of fearing the next.
I'm overly willing to be a faithful wife. Its the hopeful, trusting daughter part that I need to focus on.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
green beans, ants, and a mommy on the edge!
Alone time. Where is mine? Do we get a certain allotment or is it only given after exemplary behavior? I have spent two nights without children in 32 months. I wasn't with my husband and I slept only for 2 hours in my best friend's bed and 2 hours in a hotel room. (I know how that sounds, but I was ALONE, and driving back from Nashville I got too tired. )
As I look around at the disheveled mess that was my clean house just two short days ago I am exhausted. There are green beans and carrots deep down in the lining of the high chair which means stripping it and washing ALL of it. There were ants in our kitchen yesterday because my two year old son REFUSES to sit down at his little table for any period exceeding thirty seconds. Naturally he is still hungry every time he gets up so the food goes straight into the living room. Its a huge no no, but its only a 2 foot walk so by the time I see him he's already lounging on the couch with a fist full of goldfish, fingers glowing in all of their yellow cheese powder glory.
Every time there is a fit the milk cup goes flying and though it is seriously the most leak proof cup I have ever encountered ( Nalgene Tritan Grip n Gulp. Can be found at Dick's sporting goods and Target stores in the exercise/camping section) there is still somehow a bit of "milk spit" in the hard top nipple that goes flying. Not enough to make a real mess, but just enough to drive one woman crazy.
I'm so proud of how well my children get along. They truly do play well together until they don't, and growing up with three brothers I know that sometimes they won't. The green monster is starting to rear his ugly head in my beautiful little boy. Abram now wants only to be a "baby". He no longer wants to potty train. He wants to eat baby food puffs, and he pushes,knocks down, snatches toys from his sister every chance he gets.
Terrible two's are in full force and "NO" is the first word to EVERY question. "Do you need to potty?" "NO!!" "Do you want a pb&j?" "NO!!" "Will you ever say anything besides NO?" "NO!"
I now grasp fully why "Super Nanny" exists. Its days like today when a woman's husband is at work, her kids rise early, the house gets trashed, and she's too tired to deal. Now I find myself more often than breaths I'm taking, saying "NO" to everything. No screaming, no jumping on the couch, no tackling me just because I sat on the floor for a minute, NO playing in the potty. Etc. NO. Etc.
Today I will "willingly" put both of my children down for a nap at the same time. (They do this most days, but day it is mandatory). I will force myself to set a strict time line and clean up their gigantic mess, change out the laundry (most likely after rewashing the things that got left in there for the last 24 hours), SHOWER, and prepare myself for the last 4 hours of the day with them. My son will sleep in his own bed tonight and at 9p.m. I WILL get my alone time. Even if I only last for 30 mins.
As I look around at the disheveled mess that was my clean house just two short days ago I am exhausted. There are green beans and carrots deep down in the lining of the high chair which means stripping it and washing ALL of it. There were ants in our kitchen yesterday because my two year old son REFUSES to sit down at his little table for any period exceeding thirty seconds. Naturally he is still hungry every time he gets up so the food goes straight into the living room. Its a huge no no, but its only a 2 foot walk so by the time I see him he's already lounging on the couch with a fist full of goldfish, fingers glowing in all of their yellow cheese powder glory.
Every time there is a fit the milk cup goes flying and though it is seriously the most leak proof cup I have ever encountered ( Nalgene Tritan Grip n Gulp. Can be found at Dick's sporting goods and Target stores in the exercise/camping section) there is still somehow a bit of "milk spit" in the hard top nipple that goes flying. Not enough to make a real mess, but just enough to drive one woman crazy.
I'm so proud of how well my children get along. They truly do play well together until they don't, and growing up with three brothers I know that sometimes they won't. The green monster is starting to rear his ugly head in my beautiful little boy. Abram now wants only to be a "baby". He no longer wants to potty train. He wants to eat baby food puffs, and he pushes,knocks down, snatches toys from his sister every chance he gets.
Terrible two's are in full force and "NO" is the first word to EVERY question. "Do you need to potty?" "NO!!" "Do you want a pb&j?" "NO!!" "Will you ever say anything besides NO?" "NO!"
I now grasp fully why "Super Nanny" exists. Its days like today when a woman's husband is at work, her kids rise early, the house gets trashed, and she's too tired to deal. Now I find myself more often than breaths I'm taking, saying "NO" to everything. No screaming, no jumping on the couch, no tackling me just because I sat on the floor for a minute, NO playing in the potty. Etc. NO. Etc.
Today I will "willingly" put both of my children down for a nap at the same time. (They do this most days, but day it is mandatory). I will force myself to set a strict time line and clean up their gigantic mess, change out the laundry (most likely after rewashing the things that got left in there for the last 24 hours), SHOWER, and prepare myself for the last 4 hours of the day with them. My son will sleep in his own bed tonight and at 9p.m. I WILL get my alone time. Even if I only last for 30 mins.
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