3.6.5. Peace

When my son was cooking we thought about a "quiet birth". The thought is that when a baby is born the experience can be quite traumatic, so a peaceful serene birth and instant skin to skin contact can set the baby up to feel more secure from second one. First impressions are everything, right? So we considered it and then laughed. Out loud. Between my husband and I, and both sets of parents (Well, really excluding Brad's dad. He is a quiet man unless sports are on.) we felt that might be giving out sweet boy the absolute wrong impression of us. It's amazing to me that we are not Italian somewhere. We are a loud large family. Peaceful birth - out. Peaceful life?

Before you have kids, you adult conversations and general way of life is entirely up to you. If you're telling a funny story and you're loud, oh well. Sometimes it makes it funnier. If you're mad and you're loud, oh well. It gets your point across. Right? At least that is what you're adrenaline tells you.

Well over the past 3 years I have noticed that not only are we loud, but our son and daughter are too. Let me clear up that they are not the tantrum in the grocery kind of kids, and they don't scream in a quiet setting (save their infant stages... who can blame them?). My kids laugh loud, talk loud, whisper loud, cry loud, and on and on. The one major problem with all of this is that being loud doesn't really promote LISTENING!

I've been thinking about it for a while, and seeing other mom's who exhibit such a peaceful nature, I find myself wondering how they developed that. Not everyone is born with a peaceful disposition. Not everyone is "still" in the waiting. Not everyone is quite when they get happy or angry or anything in between. I can't understand people who are ducks.(as my mother would say: Be a duck. Let it roll off of your back.) I was raised to know right and wrong and it irritates the fire out of me when someone else acts like they don't know how to treat another human being. I was taught to listen and I can't stand when people don't listen to me.

So it has really been on my heart to try and commit myself to not raise my voice in an attempt for a more peaceful environment for my children. Of course I'm going to cheer loud when daughter uses the potty, but I mean in a negative way. Towards ANYONE. I tend to take on too much at one time so I feel that this is a very lofty goal. I can't get upset if someone cuts me off endangering my babies? I can't get upset when I ask my husband 20 time to put the kid's shoes on so we can leave? I can't get upset when my 3yr old looks me in the face and does exactly opposite of what I ask him to do?

My best and only remaining friend from my single semester in college and I had lunch yesterday. I could barely get a word out. My voice is gone. This hasn't happened since I was 16. The conversation came to be about being content and peaceful. Right there. Smacking me right in the face. "Hello Courtney, This is your GOD speaking. I've turned off your voice. I've been trying to tell you for a while now that you need to work on yourself a bit."

When I got home from a most refreshing sunny afternoon lunch I had no choice but to whisper to my children. At first it was so easy. They were so happy to be out on the back porch in the sunshine playing on their slide that hadn't been put together since December. It got a bit difficult trying to communicate about coming inside, but I noticed something amazing. The quieter I was the more they struggled to listen to me. I was no longer white noise my son was tuning out, but rather someone he was concentrating to hear and understand.

Later my husband and I got into a somewhat serious discussion about finances,(You know the deal. Never fun unless you're someone who has hit the lottery.)and I began to feel emotional. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't physically raise my voice. I had no choice but to speak softly to him. So after seeing the direct results of what I believe is God's new assignment for me, I am going to hold my self accountable to 365 days of peace. I'm hoping that trying every day will make it a life changing habit for me. Hopefully if I can lay my loud reactive nature at his feet, I can come to a better understand of my favorite verse. It is on a beautiful painting gifted to us by my parents, hanging in our room.

Psalms 37:7 "Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him." 

Here is to you: May you be still, calm, quiet when advantageous, and PEACEFUL!

Courtney

Worrying/Praying Mommy 101

How do you manage your fears?
As a mommy, worrying is part of our job description right? I worry about my kids constantly. Their health, future, etc. We worry and we pray. A LOT. 

1 Thessalonians 5:17 "Pray without ceasing"

I own that verse! :)


When I worry I get anxiety. When I have anxiety I pray. A lot! I know God made me perfectly and uniquely and he knows I have anxiety and fear, but it wasn't until recently that someone described my anxiety as a SIN. ANXIETY A SIN? It's an affliction. It's in me. It's my genetic make-up right? It's a direct result to circumstance, or lack of stress management, but a sin? Doctors don't call it that. My mother doesn't call it that. It's so widely accepted these days that it seems as if every other person has some form of it and though I am not, a lot of folks just take a pill and move forward.


I have been afraid as long as I can remember. When we moved to our first "owned" home on Griselda Drive (Love that I will always remember my first address) I was terrified of night things. Ware wolves, monsters, etc. I insisted that my parent's keep their doors open. At five I became afraid of Santa Clause. (I know I'm a dork.) We had a fire going and I was just sure he would be angry about not getting down the chimney safely and kidnap me to teach my parents a lesson. I was afraid of kidnappers, robbers, dogs, sharks, large cats, and on and on. As I got older a lot of my fears subsided, but some remained and someone decided to put a name on it for me. Anxiety. I didn't/don't want anxiety so I decided to pray it away. 
It was the same prayer every night and sometimes in the day. "Dear Jesus, Please give me the ability to overcome my fears and worries. Please take away this anxiety from me so I can be a person at peace." Sometimes i was more specific asking things like: "Please help me to stop being afraid at night of break-ins." 
I have tried other methods also. I don't watch scary shows or movies. Goodbye to my beloved CSI and Law and Order. I was having too many nightmares. 
So, if I was praying and trying to mind my p's and q's of curbing my fears, why wasn't he curing me? Not only did I not think of it as a sin, I certainly didn't think it was my own fault. It was just an affliction and he was going to, leprosy style, remove it from me upon my request. Then I read this verse and things started making sense: 
Matthew 6:8 Do not be like them(Heathens), for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.It occurred to me that maybe I AM a part of the problem. I have a sin that I need to confess as such instead of begging as though I am helpless. If I follow my own beliefs I am not, in fact helpless. 
Psalm 34:4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
"I will sing to the Lord, and I will lift my voice. For you have heard my cry!" 
He has given me the tools I need to work on eliminating the sin of Anxiety and worry. He has promised me faithfulness and that his plans are to prosper me. Because of my own free will I can get into my own way. Begging the Lord for something he has already provided is wasting my own time. 

When you worry as a Mommy for your children, be sure to ground yourself on the promises of the Father! I've always been a fan if eradicating something rather than medicating it, but now I can see that I was "owning" my sin instead of laying it at the foot of the cross and walking away with a thankful FEARLESS heart and mind. 

Courtney