Proverbs17:17 NIV
"A friend loves at all times,..."
Let me start off by addressing the word "need". I think most of us try to evaluate needs based on what we "think" God would accept as a true need. Food, water, shelter, and so on. The truth of the matter is though that God created us so intricately that he has placed in us needs for several different levels of fellowship to fully flourish as Christians. Fellowship goes beyond just being a good person. It is deeper than just doing something nice for someone as it involves really practicing "Christlike love". It enables us to make habit of being held accountable, and holding others accountable to his desires for our lives and how we interact with not only our "friends", but the human race in general.
Le me just say that my husband is a wonderful companion. He is the kind of partner that doesn't use the word "partner". Most often he just gives with no intention of receiving, and tries his best to help me in every life situation even when as a man he just can't understand why certain things get under my skin. He loves me unconditionally which is so beautiful, but has one minor flaw. It makes my ability to bring him down and steer him away from the right things a bit easier. When I'm down I can bring him down with me because he loves me. When I'm up I can pull him up because he loves me. My opinions hold weight on his as his also do for mine. We do our best to hold one another accountable, and motivate in the right ways, but sometimes we fail. This is especially true when we argue. We don't always see things from one another's perspective, and that is where the need for a friend comes in.
I need a friend. A girl friend. I need a Christian, Christlike, Girl friend. Someone who can see me with understanding and appreciation of our differences. Someone who can listen and offer wisdom without judgment. Someone who can feel comfortable offering perspective when things aren't great with my husband and I. Someone who can help me rise above silly issues in life and offer a shoulder when it hurts anyway even if it is silly. I need someone who values their relationship with God and has a desire to grow. I need someone who values my marriage and wants to see me happy. I know they say misery loves company, and I do NOT need a miserable friend.
I struggle with finding this type of person for a few reasons. The first one is loyalty. I'm a southern girl raised in a relatively small area, and its the kind of place where friends stay friends. It is so hard to admit that one of my "friends" might be a great person, and even a good Christian, but just isn't motivational and uplifting for me. It is hard to discern the lines between acquaintances and friends.
I also struggle with the "she's cool" factor. Sometimes I can meet someone who is just really funny, or entertaining, and I know that they are not walking in the same direction as I, but for some reason I just think they are cool. Generally this does not end well.
Lastly I find that I struggle sometimes with people wanting to take a lot of my time. The goal I have for myself and the division of my time is God, Brad, our kids, and then everyone else. I believe that I should be dating Brad more often than my friends, and that my children's needs for structure are more important that hanging every day with a friend for my own socialization needs.
When I moved to TX I really began to evaluate the women that I met and our potential to grow together in friendship. It began with eliminating some old life long friends that really broke my heart by not understanding that my husband's job came before my selfish desire to stay in TN. It makes it easy to distance yourself from someone who clearly has a selfish position in the friendship.
Next I spent time listening to the women I was meeting and tried to steer clear from those interested in mean spirited gossip. I know talking is going to happen. We are women and that is what we do, but ironically it was watching the Duggars on TLC that really made me see that discussing someone else should really be done in an encouraging manor even when it seems that something really unpleasant is going on. I realized that I never ever want to be responsible for making another person feel badly about themselves. I hate when that happens to me, and I just want no part of it.
Now I am letting go of the "cool" factor. I am more concerned with what I can offer someone rather than what they have to offer me. I made a deal with myself to never take part in a lie. That was much much easier than I first thought, and never to share my displeasure with a friend with any other friend. Yes Brad and my momma get an ear full from time to time, but nonetheless I don't take the dirty laundry to the public wash so to speak.
I think that it is not unreasonable to seek such friends. I was just reading someone's facebook post the other day where the person was baffled by the fact that most people find their spouse in their early to mid twenties. Is it so strange to also make it a priority to find in our early adulthood good life long friends. Is it so terrible to evaluate friends you made in elementary school and finally accept that their ability to bring you down is greater than your ability to bring them up and create a little distance to protect yourself from mistakes.
Just something to think about. Maybe now that I have some true blues... I'll discuss it with my friends! ;)
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